Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
