You work out of a Hotel?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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