She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
