You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
