I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
