He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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