shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
