he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
