my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
