I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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