Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
