I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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