you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
