His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
