I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
