i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
