So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
