Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
