YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
