happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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