worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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