Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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