I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
