I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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