happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
