I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
