is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
