If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
