I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
