# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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