That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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