help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
