Swine flu. Run for my life!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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