a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize