Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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