You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
