my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
