Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
