this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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