Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
