Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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