I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
