i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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