Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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