tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
