im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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