The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
