So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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