I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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