At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
