I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
