Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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