Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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