I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
