have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
