grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
