You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
