she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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