I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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