Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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