i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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