I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
