Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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