ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
