I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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