i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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