he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
