Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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