At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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