I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
