I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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