And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
