Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
