The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
