her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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