He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
