guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
