Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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