I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
