i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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