She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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