Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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