Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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