So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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