Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All the doctor said was why
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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