hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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