At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
