The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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