Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
