I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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