His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
