that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
