i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize