dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
